Astrology in my world: Saturn square my Chiron

At first I thought something was wrong with Rich, my husband.  Everything he did was bothering me.  He didn’t talk to me enough.  He talked to me too much.  He didn’t pay any attention to what I was doing.  He paid too much attention to what I was doing.  I felt like a raw nerve, and everything he did set me off.  And then I felt that there was something wrong with me – that I wasn’t good enough and it was probably my fault anyway.

I went for a walk and realized, “This feels like Chiron.”  You would think I would be more up on my own chart, but I long ago stopped tracking every little movement of the planets and anticipating what they might mean.  (I keep an eye on the larger cycles, but since Saturn will only make this square to my Chiron once I didn’t give it too much thought.  Next year when Pluto conjoins Chiron I will be singing a different tune!)

At any rate, once I realized that Saturn was squaring Chiron in my chart, it all began to make sense.  Chiron in our chart reveals where we are emotionally sensitive.  It’s the little places where if someone says something the wrong way we burst out in tears.  Transiting Saturn, being the noble Taskmaster that he is, wants to make sure that we are doing the hard work to heal old wounds and will make sure that those wounds pop up in our conscious mind so that we can attend to them.

Individuals with Saturn/Chiron alignments in their chart know this all too well.  I like to say to my Saturn/Chiron clients that  “some people can hide from their wounds, but not you.”  This may seem like an unfair burden, but in the long run we are better off learning how to release these wounds as they arise, rather than walk around with them lurking under the surface for the rest of our lives where they can cause not only emotional problems, but physical ones as well.

Once I realized that Saturn was activating Chiron, I saw very clearly that this was old stuff for me, old feelings of worthlessness that are thankfully healed to a great extent, but still somewhat present.  I took some deep breaths, relaxing into the emotions as they passed through me.  And then I apologized to Rich for having blamed him for something that was going on in my own psyche.

It’s easy when we’re unhappy to find someone to blame those feelings on, and often it seems fair and legitimate to do so.  But one thing I have learned is that as long as we blame and accuse we remain stuck in our unhappiness.  Each of us is responsible for our own healing, and our own happiness.  But we can find soulmates on the path who will understand what we are going through, and forgive us when we make mistakes.

 

 

By | 2016-12-31T11:13:43+00:00 September 27th, 2010|Astrology in my world|5 Comments

5 Comments

  1. Kate September 28, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Very interested in what you have to say as when I had the same transit; an adored father figure in my life was murdered. I’ve always had self-worth issues stemming from abandonment by my biological father. I now start a Pluto/Chiron square with trepidation.

  2. cimbalok September 28, 2010 at 8:20 pm

    Hang in there! Just keep repeating “Saturn will reward me when the transit is over!” (It sounds like you figured it out and are already on the road to reaping the reward if you haven’t already.) I’m actually looking forward to my next Saturn transit. It will be trine my Moon. With Saturn transiting my 2nd house and my Moon in the 6th, I will probably force myself to work real hard. And what’s wrong with that!

  3. ScorpioX3 September 29, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    Thank you Lynn, for another interesting, illustrative post.

    It inspired me to look back to Oct. 2008 when Saturn squared my Chiron and now, thinking back about that month or so of time, a time I recall feeling very out-of-sorts with everyone around me, I think I understand why every little thing “hurt” me, and how different (positively) I feel about some of those “hurts” now. (Glad to know it really was all about me then. lol!)

    Looking at transits to Chiron: what degree orb do you use when considering its influence?

  4. lokasiwisata.info September 30, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Kate, I’m so sorry to hear of that sad tale. That experience was probably all the more difficult because of your father issues, which were almost certainly exacerbated during the murder. I too am a little anxious about my Pluto/Chiron conjunction, but I also know that any experience that occurs under this cycle will transform and heal at the deepest level. I look at it like this: some cancers can be healed naturally; some require surgery. Under Pluto/Chiron we will know whether our wounds require surgery or not. 🙂

    ScorpioX3, I generally use tight orbs for all transits. I used to use 5 degrees as I’d been taught, and sometimes the experience of the transit starts that early, but generally the most intense experience will be within a degree of the exact occurrence.

    That said, if the planet being transited is part of a larger system you’ll need to use great oatitude as it could be affected much earlier.

  5. ScorpioX3 September 30, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Thanks for the info, Lynn. It confirms my thinking.

    Looking now at the timing of Pluto’s conjunction to my Chiron in 2003, there were two major events that happened as it moved within a 2 degree orb. Though natal Chiron exactly trines natal Pluto (and Leo Moon in the 6th), I was dragged, slowly and painfully, through a difficult period relating to very deep hurt with a boss which, as it turned out, served to expose a reoccurring (personally-perceived competence) theme in my work life that I finally had to face head on.

    That experience, painful as it was (I had the first of may panic attacks during that period) and the understanding I gained from it, transformed in a very positive way how I respond to and feel about the work I do (design) and the people (artists) I work with. I pretty much got it right away.

    But I found that with other Pluto transits (conjunct Venus, Sun, Mercury, MC and Mars), I was only able to understand what happened waaaay after “it” happened. In fact, years later, I’m still analyzing the fallout. Or, fall in. 🙂

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