Relationships

The “Freedom/Closeness” Dilemma in relationships

Breaking Pointe Breaking Pointe

My new guilty television pleasure is the program “Breaking Pointe,” a reality show about dancers in a ballet company in Salt Lake City.  They ran last year’s season on BBC America which is where I found it, and then this year’s season ran on the CW network.

One of the featured dancers, Allison, is involved in a classic push me/pull you relationship with Rex, another of the dancers.  In this kind of relationship one partner is pushing to be closer and the other one is distancing – pushing away.  However what often happens is that the roles switch and the formerly distancing partner becomes the one who wants to be closer.

In the Allison/Rex dynamic, Allison was involved with another man, Jonathan.  Then she and Rex had an affair and she broke up with Jonathan.  Rex still wanted to be with her and she pushed him away.  Then she realized Jonathan was a jerk and now she wants to be with Rex.  Now Rex is saying, not so fast – I’m not so sure I want this.

Howard Sasportas and Liz Greene coined the term the “freedom/closeness” dilemma to describe the conflict between the basic need to attach and feel safe with another human being and the need to differentiate the Self and become more comfortable as an autonomous individual.  This is a process that begins in infancy but it can become distorted and corrupted in certain family situations.  But really, those of us with this dynamic were born with a prospensity towards this conflict, and this is evident in our birthcharts.

Certain signs and planetary placements crave closeness and security, and others indicate a push for greater autonomy and freedom.  The water and earth signs tend to […]

By | 2013-09-20T07:13:29+00:00 September 20th, 2013|Favorite posts, Relationships|16 Comments

Musings on Venus in Scorpio and relationships

From

Lots of people are writing about Venus, which moved into Scorpio on September 11th.  Because I have Venus in Scorpio, and it’s squared by Pluto which is the modern ruler of Scorpio, making this a double whammy of Plutonian Venus energy, I feel I am somewhat the expert on the subject and not in a way that is particularly fun to talk about!

Scorpio has a traditional ruler (Mars) and a modern ruler (Pluto), and like all double-ruled signs it offers two roads of experience.  One is the reactive road of the lower octave (Mars), in which we struggle to squeeze the receptive, loving, harmonious qualities of Venus into the necessary aggression and fierce independence of Mars.  The Mars influence can also operate through the courageous (Mars) protection of those we love (Venus) such as the Jodie Foster quote in the photo to the left.

But it is the Pluto influence that gives Scorpio its transformative power.  Through Pluto we are forced into the Underworld of death and sexual abuse where we are required to give up the power of Ego and Selfhood and be baptized by an alchemical fire.  Ultimately we emerge from this darkness into a transformed world of magic and beauty, but in the Scorpio experience the outcome cannot be obtained without the trial.

This sort of intensity makes it difficult to approach human interaction with anything resembling superficiality or casual connection which can be exhausting for the partners of Scorpionic people.  But as one of those people myself, I like to think that the reward of personal transformation and the kernel of magic that nestles within the drama, ready to emerge at any moment, is worth it.

Venus will be in Scorpio through October 10th at which time we […]

By | 2013-09-17T06:52:51+00:00 September 17th, 2013|Relationships|6 Comments

It’s true: Astrology can’t predict the state of your marriage

astrology compatibilityFirst, there is not an astrologer in the world today that makes prediction on marriage success using sun signs.  Thanks to the Internet there is enough information available to the general public about astrology to educate everyone that astrology involves far more than just the sign the Sun was in at the time of your birth.  

So I am very surprised that if an academic institution like the University of Manchester was going to conduct an in-depth study on the effectiveness of astrology on predicting marriage duration, that they used sun sign prediction for their massive study of ten million marriages.

They do preface the article by admitting that

A complete horoscope, or natal chart, includes information about where the sun, moon and planets would have been observed relative to each other and to the constellations of the zodiac at the time and place of the subject’s birth. Popular astrology in the West focuses on one key element in this chart: the ‘sun sign’ (or ‘star sign’ in colloquial parlance), which is determined by the position of the earth in its annual revolution around the sun.

So it doesn’t really make sense that the study then goes on to conflate “astrology” with Sun signs.

You can read the study yourself if you like, but suffice it to say that the research found no correlation between marriages and astrological signs that was greater than the statistical chance would suggest.

Even if we put aside for a moment the argument that Sun signs are generally one of the LEAST significant indicators of compatibility, I have found in 30 years of working with clients that the most successful marriages are among the least compatible charts.  Compatibility is just not that significant an indicator of marital success.

Most of us […]

By | 2018-06-11T10:59:06+00:00 July 29th, 2013|Predictions, Relationships, Sun sign astrology|3 Comments

Taylor Swift and the “freedom/closeness” dilemma

Taylor Swift is loaded with charm and talent as well as the kind of exceptional beauty that is very helpful in today’s visual age, and she has made millions of dollars writing songs about her love life.  Still, she was recently quoted as saying “I don’t really know that much about love as it turns out.”

We could argue that this is not that uncommon for a young person just shy of 23 years old, but her astrological chart does show some interesting things that offers insight into the complexity behind the relationships that make such interesting material for song lyrics.

Ms. Swift (December 13, 1989) was born with the Sun in Sagittarius, the lucky and optimistic sign that can be somewhat fickle. Her Sun is unaspected, meaning it doesn’t interact with any of the other planets in the chart.  People with unaspected Sun’s tend to have a path that is more solitary, even though they may (and frequently do) engage in relationships with others and even marry.  But still, singleton Sun people make their own way and tend not to merge their lives with anyone else’s (Brad Pitt has a singleton Sun).

The Moon in her chart is in emotional Cancer, revealing her inner sensitivity and desire to nurture and care for others.  The Cancer Moon can be moody and reactive to emotional hurt, and with her Moon conjunct Jupiter, also in Cancer, the emotionality of her inner world is amplified which comes out in her song lyrics.  The Cancer Moon longs to attach and find emotional security, but her Moon is opposed by Uranus, the planet of individuality and autonomy, revealing an opposing need for distance and independence. […]

By | 2012-10-31T07:17:08+00:00 October 31st, 2012|People, Relationships|0 Comments

Musings on soulmates

At the Body, Mind, Spirit Expo that I worked in Raleigh a couple of weeks ago two readings brought up the question of soulmates in very different ways. One reading was for someone who had experienced a very intense connection with someone who then withdrew and later denied the connection had ever occurred.  This was incredibly confusing for her because when we experience this kind of connection it is undeniable.  She had come to see me at the February show when this first happened and several other readers at the show had told her that the gentleman in question was her soulmate and that everything would work out.  Now, six months later, that had not come to pass and she wanted to know why. The other reading was for a couple who had been married less than a year and while their connection is powerfully strong they were seeing incompatibilities that disturbed them.  An astrology reading pointed out where there might be communication issues and the needs that each one had in the relationship and how their differing energies could be used to help provide balance for each of them, but also where they would find challenges that need to be overcome. These were two very different situations that exposed the true nature of the soulmate connection in very different ways.  The “New Age” movement has perpetuated a dangerous myth with the idea of the “Twin Flame” – the soulmate that is our perfect twin and completes us in every way.  Many of us would like to think that when we find our true soulmate we will live together with them in pure harmony and bliss and that our troubles will be over. I have posted on this before, and […]

By | 2012-09-04T07:47:36+00:00 September 4th, 2012|Fate, Relationships|9 Comments
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