Love song for the Solstice and a personal update

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Photo by Pierre LeClerc I have been AWOL from this blog for awhile, largely due to the illness of my mother who died this past Monday. With my Moon (emotion, mother, needs) conjunct Pluto (destruction and regeneration) it’s not surprising that she and I had a complex relationship. I hated her intensely, yet during her illness I found I loved her with a ferocity that shocked me.

After her husband died in 2000 she decided to move to North Carolina. Tis was bizarre because she and I were hardly in contact for about 30 years. I feel very blessed that over the past 11-1/2 years she and I were able to heal so much of the pain and reactivity that had marked our relationship. It took a great deal of effort on both of our parts but she worked hard to make changes and I worked hard to let go of resentment and anger.

I have reported in these pages that over the past few months the Uranus/Pluto square has been aspecting my natal Chiron exactly, opening up old wounds and forcing me to learn to release and grow. In addition, the intensification of my mother’s illness at the fall equinox coincided with the passage of my progressed Moon over my natal Saturn/Sun/Neptune conjunction. She was hospitalized when P Moon transited Saturn and died as P Moon transited Sun/Neptune, forming a type of New Moon and releasing the bonds of karma.

My mother’s funeral was December 21, 2012 and as my sister said, she would have enjoyed the idea that the end of the Mayan calendar was all about her. Because of the funeral I missed our community Winter Solstice celebration in which my friend Gary Phillips delivered a beautiful love song to the natural world, Beth Owl’s Daughter has reprinted it on her blog and

Winter Solstice blessings everyone!

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By | 2018-06-11T11:13:58+00:00 December 23rd, 2012|Astrology in my world|33 Comments

33 Comments

  1. jp December 23, 2012 at 8:15 am

    I am sorry for your loss Lynn. Peace to you, your mother, and your family.

  2. Christina December 23, 2012 at 8:33 am

    My prayers are with you and your family at this time that you find peace and that your love for each other grows stronger.

  3. Linda December 23, 2012 at 9:04 am

    My gosh, my Condolences and prayers are with you . … Peace and more Awakenings be with you and your family.

  4. Mary Miller December 23, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Dear Lynn,
    I thank you for this honest post about the death of your mother. You and your sister & family have my sympathy.
    Your message inspired me to share it with my cousin Maureen (Mo) who lost her mother and had her 58th birthday in the past 2 weeks. Mo was a devoted daughter who never received the affirmation she deserved from her mother. Her brother & I always felt there was an element of jealousy in the way my aunt (who was also my godmother) treated her only daughter. I forwarded your message along with the Solstice link to Mo & wanted to share it with you with the hope that it will comfort you in return.
    “Dearest Mo,
    I thought of you when I read about lokasiwisata.info losing her mother this week. Our relationships with our mothers can be challenging and I know yours was as well as Lynn’s and mine. It is my belief that we have a contract with each of our parents before we reincarnate. We will not know the details of that contract until we die. However, I do believe the people we bump up against the most are our greatest teachers. Your mother dying in your arms is like a reverse Pieta. It brings you full circle from that moment when your mother cradled you as a newborn on that December morning not so long ago. Few of us are blessed with that opportunity. I pray the promise that this Winter Solstice has for each of us helps you move forward with hope and not look backward with regret.
    You are a beautiful spirit, Maureen. I hope you know that all of us (including your parents) are grateful to have you in our lives.
    Love & Peace,
    B”

  5. Jayme December 23, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Prayers and love for this most difficult and expanding time. My Mother passed this year and there are similarities in the relationships. Smiled at the comment “the end of the Mayan calendar was all about here”. That fits. Much deep breathing and cleansing breaths. Take care of yourself. White and pink light around you.

  6. Maureen December 23, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Lynn, so sorry for your loss. The know the pain is intense regardless of the relationship you had with your mother. Knowing what we know as astrologers is not always easy, especially when we must try and stay positive knowing what we know. My mother passed many years ago while Pluto was conjunct my Ceres at 29 Scorpio and Jupiter at 0 Sag. She on the other hand had Sun Saturn conjunction in Capricorn opposite Jupiter Pluto in Cancer natally. She passed on the transiting Uranus/Neptune conjunction to her Sun/Saturn. You and your family are in my prayers.

  7. Rami December 23, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Lynn, my condolences to you and your family and sorry for your loss.

  8. CathyM December 23, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    My heart and prayers are with you, Lynn – I have a similar relationship with my mother, who is starting to lose her memory now, very quickly. I still struggle with emotions, yet I see that it’s good to reconcile as much as I can while I have the chance. I’m inspired by your article!

  9. inger December 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    My condolences to you on your mother’s passing, but my joy for you at your receiving grace…

  10. Marjorie December 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    My condolences to you and your family and blessings on your mother’s passing onto the Summerlands.

  11. Elah December 23, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Dear Lynn,

    I send you and your family prayers of comfort…may your mother rest in the loving arms of the divine oneness.
    And thank you for your openess and courageous heart!

  12. Greg F December 23, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    My condolences too, Lynn. I have had to deal all my life with the lack of parental support from both sides, so I can relate to your situation as well. Luckily, I have found love and support from other family members, and a large network of friends I’ve met in my life.

    Bless you this Christmas, and know you have the love and respect of many people around the world with your thoughtful articles about relationships and the world in general.

    All the best,
    Greg

  13. Roya December 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and the wonderful growth and wisdom that you have shown. I have a deep respect for your sharing because it touches my own personal life story.
    I read all your articles and appreciate the wisdom you give us with them all.
    Bless you and your family at this Christmas Season and wishing you fantastic New Beginnings for a New Year…..

  14. Diane December 23, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    My Mother died at age 61 when Pluto was transiting my Moon. I had many issues with my Mother during her lifetime, but realized after her death why she was so unhappy. In addition,I was just learning about astrological principles and the fact that Saturn opposes my Moon suddenly made sense re: my relationship with her. Understanding my chart and the chart of my family and friends has been such a blessing.

    So glad you and your Mother were able to connect and find closeness before she died.

  15. cindy December 24, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Blessings dear girl.

  16. Debbie H December 24, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom, Lynn. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost my Mom on October 15th to Alzheimer’s, and my Dad on May 27th of last year to ALS. I hope that you will find much peace and comfort in knowing that in spite of everything, you were there for her when she needed you the most. Those memories will always be tucked in your heart forever. Thank you for sharing Lynn. Love and blessings to you and your family.

  17. Matt December 24, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Dear Lynn, thanks for being open and honest about your journey with the mother. I relate, and i still have it going on with the father and the stepmother (I’m practising not making it personal!). But even as i write this there is a kind of healing going on around these old wounds that i seem so attached to, and i hear from your story that something happened for you too. So i guess we are the lucky ones, and i hope things get easier for you now. Happy new year and love from Matthew x

    • lokasiwisata.info December 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

      Thank you all so much for your kind words and for sharing your inspiring stories.

  18. Lisa December 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Lynn,

    So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing all that you do.

  19. Kristin December 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Sorry for your loss–sending healing thoughts.

  20. Jude Cowell December 29, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Lynn, very sad to hear of your loss. Thinking of you, Jude

  21. sue phillips January 3, 2013 at 11:55 am

    LYNN, sorry BOUT your loss. I have great ADMiration for you for being open and honest. mY mother died over 40 years ago, and it still resonates with me. It’s been a long while since i HAVE spoken to you, hopefully I will ths year.

  22. roderick2012 January 4, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    Lynn, I am sorry for the loss of your mom but I am glad to see that you two repaired your relationship before she passed.

    I hope that I can repair the relationship with my mom before she passes.

    Thanks for the inspiration.

  23. Linda January 6, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    You Know Lynn, when I lost my mom back in 2010, my sister, Nancy, and I started to talk after 25 years. We never realized that we liked each other. Even though we were so different, we were so much the same. We, both, went to levels we never even knew were possible. As much as I rebelled against my mom, even in my maturer years, the more I became like her. Her picture is always on my altar. She was beautiful….

  24. Dianne January 7, 2013 at 5:56 am

    Beautiful thoughts from your heart and soul Lynn. Your experience helps so many of us who also have complicated relationships with our mothers. Much love to you.

    • lokasiwisata.info January 7, 2013 at 12:41 pm

      Thank you all so much for your comments and support over the years. Happy 2013!!

  25. Heather January 7, 2013 at 7:07 am

    Hi Lynn,

    I am convinced that these “death bed reunions” & the healing associated with them really are the best of their kind. When the healing comes at the very end in life, while both parties are still able to process feelings & communicate with one another, & then one passes…they cannot turn around later & undo all of the positive changes again in life. There is no time to reengage in old destructive behaviors, or retract an apology for the umpteenth time, because their story in life is over. The positive changes occur all at once, & they are permanent.

    I also think that what worked for the best in your particular circumstances was your 30 year separation from your mother. A full Saturn cycle apart probably worked a great deal of good in the maturity department, & the message was not given to her that “she did not really have to grow up,” or that she could just keep garnering “second chances” from you, while endlessly playing emotional games. Instead, she was left to deal with herself, by herself, or at least without manipulating you as she went along in life. Perhaps your prolonged absence taught her something valuable over the years about how to treat loved ones, & that if you don’t treat relationships with respect, you really may lose them forever.

    I received news of my mother’s passing in 2008, & wish my situation had been more like your own. I have an 8th House Moon in Capricorn square a 5th House Sun in Libra which is opposite Saturn in Aries. My mother was an arrogant, childish, emotionally manipulative tyrant & self-entitled rage junkie who came out of the “Mommy Dearest” mold. I grew up the victim of perpetual emotional & physical violence & abuse. Perhaps with Moon/Pluto conjunct, you too might be able to relate.

    By the time I was 35, after repeated separations & giving her second chances, my mother had finally put to death every positive feeling I ever held for her. A half-brother who had sexually abused me in my youth had made a pass at me in adulthood, & when she sided with him, I dumped her for good. When she died 5 years later, it really wasn’t much of a change, because for me, she had already died. Instead of a positive reunion like yours, a lot of dangerous volcanic rage surfaced for me at that time. Mostly because she was never held responsible for her behavior, in any lasting capacity. Since I couldn’t lose what I never had in the first place, when she died, the loss for me was the healthy parent she never chose to become. It did not at all help her case that she would barge in unbidden on “readings” in online chat rooms a few months after her death, & pick up where she left off by trying to manipulate me through amateur “readers,” just to get at me one last time… At that time in 2008, Pluto was in very early Capricorn & opposite my mother’s Sun at 1 deg. Cancer (death by heart attack), & my own late Gemini Rising Ascendant (a tyrant passes from my life).

    Many people in your circumstances later feel as though “they have lost 30 years that they could have enjoyed” with their parent, after they’re gone. However, with your choice to distance your mother for a full Saturn cycle, you may have actually purchased a more complete healing for yourself concerning her in the end, & for her as well, due to sheer time constraints. Giving my mother second chances every few years did nothing for her, & only put more hammers & nails in her hands to land in the coffin of our relationship, unto death. Because my mother never lost anything for all time as a result of her behavior, she never had to permanently change herself, & refused to become anything else other than what she was. Compared to this, I think that you will be much better off for your choices concerning your mother, than I am for mine – & that in the long run. you did the right things by yourself, as well as by your mother.

    Best wishes to you for your continued healing & happiness in 2013…& always.

    -Heather

    • KaD January 7, 2013 at 2:00 pm

      I think your points are well spoken. My Mothers mother was another Joan Crawford wannabe, a psychopath who spent 88 years on this earth ruining people lives and laughing about it, especially my Mothers. She endured six decades of physical, emotional, psychologic, and mental abuse before the final goodbye came in the form of a lawsuit and judgment. Yes, her mother tried to sue her to death since she couldn’t outright kill her and get away with it. It wouldn’t have changed my Scorpio grandmother but it would have done worlds of good for my Pisces mother to sever the ties with her mother decades sooner.

      • Heather January 11, 2013 at 6:03 pm

        KaD, good story… I can relate. My mother had similar mother to what you’ve described… Her mother was a brash, domineering, gregarious *Sagittarian Tyrant* (think “Zeus…mad as hell, & fresh out of lightning bolts…”) who built & fell entire Empires from her telephone, never once leaving her kitchen counter to get it done. Your grandmother & mine would probably have set one another on fire, given half the chance, & if there was a dollar in it… Mine had Moon / Venus conjunct in Capricorn, opposite Pluto & Saturn in Cancer…& she re-defined “control freak”. With her Sun / Mercury (ego & mouth) conjunction square Jupiter in Pisces (booze)…she instantly transformed into ‘She-Ra’ with a bottle in her hand. She was *hard as nails*…& had the mouth to go with it. One of my favorite lines of hers: “I’ve been thrown out of MUCH better places than THIS!!!” 🙂 4 of her husbands beat the living crudd out of her multiple times (because she wouldn’t shut up until they did), & the 5th simply drank himself into liver cancer & died. However, with that birth constellation, my great grandmother told her she was biologically not her mother (& despised her accordingly…) & she got herself pregnant at 13 making a play for her sister’s husband. And with such profound insecurity & adult responsibilities at such an early an age, & she spent her entire life “showing the world who was boss”… The world was her chess board, & at times I’ve even heard her holler, “Checkmate!!!” after undoing an enemy via telephone. And just like Howard Hughes… She died a neurotic hypochondriac, terrified of her own shadow….under suspicious circumstances.

        My mother regularly used my grandmother as her excuse to behave likewise, & to “collect her dues” for allowing herself to serve as her mother’s slave for 7 decades(!) Except rather than portraying herself as “10 ft. tall & bullet proof” (Sagittarius) – she’d bat her eyes & use the “cloying, needy, & helpless” (Cancer) put-on…& fly into rages that would last several hours when others didn’t take the bait. Both drama queens were like “living in a war zone”. I was born with Pluto / Uranus conjunct in Virgo in my 4th House…square Mars in Sagittarius…& opposite Chiron in Pisces…& I took the worst brunt of my mother’s endless wrath. And when I broke away from family…after one long, bloody battle after another with my mother (ever get chased around the kitchen with a knife because mother is insanely jealous of your boyfriend?)…I was the first to leave. I was the hated “avant-guarde” – the first prisoner who made a break for the fence – barbed wire, & ALL! 🙂 Behold, the Power of saying…”No. You can’t do this to me anymore, & no matter how hard you try – I won’t let you.” Soon other siblings followed suit, my sister forever, & my brothers left & returned to my mother frequently if they wanted money, property, food, shelter, or a legal alibi to lie to police for them. And I gave endless second chances, each spaced a few years apart, thinking, “You never know if someone has actually learned something, unless you give them the chance to try to get it right,” right? Wrong.

        In 1999, I had myself sterilized when transiting Pluto squared my Venus & 4th House Cusp, because under stress…like any soldier…we will all “default to our level of training.” And I wanted better than that for my children. My mother was *furious* the rest of her life that I was too smart to have kids & become the kind of mother to them that she was to me, & pass on these women’s enduring white trash legacy of abuse. With my natal 6th House Mars (surgery) square Pluto / Uranus in the 4th House…I told her, “Nope. I’m too smart for that… The buck stops here. No one else broke the chain, but for me – this goes no further.” I wanted much better for my own offspring than I could provide them, & I did not trust the kind of mother that I would become. “Knowing better” is never the same as actually “doing better”. And as you might guess…my Mars was conjunct my grandmother’s Sun / Mercury in Sagittarius. With the emotional baggage I carried out of the burning wreckage, it really was for the best for all concerned.

        Again… If anyone mentioned in this story had *pulled the plug* on their outrageous mother for a full 28 year Saturn cycle – each would have been far better off as human beings, as would their own families. And their mothers would have fared none the worse for the loss, & may have even gained something resembling integrity over the years.

        • KaD January 12, 2013 at 11:19 am

          My (not so) grand-mother’s favorite saying were “Friendship is a poor ship to sail on” , “I’m the best of the best”, and especially “I LOVE a good fight!”. And she did. And she won them all. Until the lawsuit. My Mother by that time was on the chopping block, having been driven to near bankruptcy by LB, her mother. Until I got involved, something I didn’t want to do. My Mom has her faults but she’s not a BAD person, and she didn’t deserve the treatment she got (I think this dates back to her ’embarrasing’ her mother in 1941 by being born illegitimate). It took alot out of me; I had a small stroke (at 35) and still have some numbness on my left side. But I consider myself responsible for LB’s first defeat, and the not much later effect of her being six feet under. Like you, I got spayed and didn’t have kids.

  26. KaD January 7, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    The tide recedes but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand,
    the sun goes down but gentle warmth still lingers on the land.
    The music stops & yet it echoes on in sweet refrains …
    for every joy that passes, something beautiful remains.”

  27. […] my mother died on December 19 of last year (2012) I had very little to say about her.  I wrote a post right after her death but it was more about me and my relationship with her.  I was exhausted from […]

  28. […] my mother died on December 19 of last year (2012) I had very little to say about her.  I wrote a post right after her death but it was more about me and my relationship with her.  I was exhausted from […]

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