Musings on soulmates

At the Body, Mind, Spirit Expo that I worked in Raleigh a couple of weeks ago two readings brought up the question of soulmates in very different ways. One reading was for someone who had experienced a very intense connection with someone who then withdrew and later denied the connection had ever occurred.  This was incredibly confusing for her because when we experience this kind of connection it is undeniable.  She had come to see me at the February show when this first happened and several other readers at the show had told her that the gentleman in question was her soulmate and that everything would work out.  Now, six months later, that had not come to pass and she wanted to know why. The other reading was for a couple who had been married less than a year and while their connection is powerfully strong they were seeing incompatibilities that disturbed them.  An astrology reading pointed out where there might be communication issues and the needs that each one had in the relationship and how their differing energies could be used to help provide balance for each of them, but also where they would find challenges that need to be overcome. These were two very different situations that exposed the true nature of the soulmate connection in very different ways.  The “New Age” movement has perpetuated a dangerous myth with the idea of the “Twin Flame” – the soulmate that is our perfect twin and completes us in every way.  Many of us would like to think that when we find our true soulmate we will live together with them in pure harmony and bliss and that our troubles will be over. I have posted on this before, and the fact that compatibility is very rarely present in true soulmate connections.  Compatibility occurs when two people are similar in every way, but this dynamic does not foster soul growth and personal evolution.  When we encounter a soulmate, someone we recognize immediately and to whom we feel at once deeply connected, we can be certain that this individual is coming into our life to stretch us and to bring healing and growth.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that we will end up married to them, and like the first person in this story, it doesn’t mean that we will necessarily even consummate a relationship.  I have seen situations with clients where a relationship came into their life like a thunderclap and then exploded, leaving them devastated.  But as a result their heart opened, and they were ready for a more balanced and loving relationship than they had been before. For the couple in this story, the very qualities that they admired about each other were the ones that they found most difficult.  This is quite typical, since we often admire qualities in others that we lack in ourselves.  For example, let’s say one person has difficulty expressing their needs and they are drawn to a partner who is courageous and fearless in doing so.  Once they are in a relationship with each other, the partner who is unable to express themselves may quietly begin to resent the one who can do so rather than learn those skills.  If we simply react to each other, these relationships may not work out even though the partner is in fact a true soulmate. Which brings me to my next point: Soulmates aren’t necessarily for forever.  I have seen, both in my own life and in the lives of clients, that there are some people that come into our life for mutual learning and growth and then move on.  Sometimes, like in the case of the first client in this story, the soulmate isn’t ready for the intensity of the connection and runs away. Fate brings us together – free will gives us the option how we are to handle the situation.  If we are ready for the kind of soul growth that a soulmate relationship offers, and one soulmate connection fails to ignite, there will be another one to take its place.

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By | 2012-09-04T07:47:36+00:00 September 4th, 2012|Fate, Relationships|9 Comments


  1. Sandy Batts September 4, 2012 at 9:27 am

    I have just closed the “Chapter” with a soul mate this life time. It was a relationship that was definitely made for personal growth and healing. I knew over the years that we had “been down this road before”….one of friendship, not consumated, just really good friends who could speak the “truth” to each other in ways other people couldn’t. I left once and returned knowing my lessons weren’t over. This time, they are over. We repeated the same chapters we had over many life times, and started a newer, deeper chapter that he was unable to accept and he kicked me out of his life. It was hard to take, but with much meditation and tears, I came to understand what had happened and it freed me to continue with my work and move on with my life. I am and will always be grateful to him and our relationship and will always send him light and love, in hopes that he will allow himself to heal in this life time. This is the year for this sort of stuff and with this last full moon, the perfect time to fully let go. Thanks Lynn for all you do!!

  2. William September 4, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    I am dealing with this presently with a friend who has been in and, out of life for 20 something years now. On one level he understands that he needs to let go of his fears and so he keeps the communication going. On the other hand he isn’t quite there yet so finds excuses to not have time for me. With some Soulmates it is giving each other room to find their personal place in your life. The tricky part is giving each other enough room until they are comfortable to tackle the issues raised by such an intense relationship.

  3. cimbalok September 4, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Great post. My own “soulmate” experience was in 1991 and 1993 with a person from a foreign country with whom I had an instant connection. It was even a little creepy. Later on I decided that we were being “tested” and we passed the test because we didn’t get involved. We weren’t particularly compatible astrologically, although his Venus is 27 Aq and mine is 26 Aq, his Mars is 27 Virgo and my Jupiter is 29 Virgo (Rx). His Moon is someplace in Scorpio and my NN is 23 Scorpio. And I’m glad that’s over. Being with him was like wearing an itchy sweater.

  4. graça barreiro September 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    i found him in the seventies, lost him refound in the nineties, lost him and found him again in 2009. my true soulmate. i’m now healing this time. glad that i can heal alone.

    • September 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

      Thanks for sharing all of your soulmate stories – each one is unique and interesting.

  5. Beth September 5, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Serendipity, Lynn! For the last three months, I have been exploring the idea of Soul Mates in my monthly newsletter, based on my own experiences reading the Tarot for folks the last 40 years.

    If anyone is interested, you can visit my archives:

    Thanks for your brilliant perspective on a tricky and widely misunderstood (in my opinion) subject!

  6. krissy September 5, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Excellent point: “Fate brings us together – free will gives us the option how we are to handle the situation.” I’ll remember this for the next time I experience something like this!

  7. Greg F September 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

    I have been thinking about this a lot lately, trying to decide what to write here. I met a soul mate last year, and the transformation and healing from the experience was wonderful. Our Chiron’s are sextile, and she helped me get over my failed marriage by making me feel valuable again after seven years of isolation.

    In our synastry chart though, we each have Venus square the other person’s Uranus, producing a magnetic attraction, but also separation over the last year. I’m hoping the other compatibility factors in our charts (I’m a Libra, she’s an Aries – both Libra moons, with Sag/Gem ascendants) will eventually bring us back together.

    She called recently the day Chiron exactly crossed our composite chart ASC, so I have encouragement that it isn’t quite over.

    • September 9, 2012 at 11:25 am

      It can be difficult for people with Venus /Uranus contacts to live together unless there is a lot of stability elsewhere in the synastry. It’s always interesting to see what was going on in the charts when two people get together.

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