Sunday inspiration: Musings on aging and friendship

Last night I went to a birthday party for someone I have known for over 30 years, since I first moved to North Carolina.  A large group of us that were involved in the same meditation group relocated to North Carolina at the same time, but because I left that group in the mid-1980s there were quite a few people I haven’t seen for many years, so there were people at this party that I hadn’t seen for years.

As many of you know if you’ve been following this blog for some length of time, I like to say that I have one of the hardest charts I’ve ever seen.  Saturn and Neptune straddle my Sun and square Uranus.  My Moon conjoins Pluto and the South Node at the IC, the root of the chart, and the whole mess squares both Jupiter and Venus.  And I just discovered recently that the Black Moon Lilith, a new tool in my astrological arsenal, conjoins Pluto and sets off that whole configuration.

If all of that makes no sense to you it doesn’t matter: suffice it to say that I had an extremely challenging interior experience and a great deal of psychological pain for much of my early life.  Since my first Saturn Return I have been on a path of healing, and since I’m now in my second Saturn Return that path has lasted for the past 30 years.  During this time I am glad to say that the hard work has paid off and resulted in a much happier individual than the one that started out on this planet back in 1952.

Over the past couple of years I have reconnected with three of my very closest friends from whom I was estranged for varying lengths of time because of my own inability to express my needs and my certainty that no one really loved me.  It’s a fascinating process to begin a new relationship with an old friend that necessitates stepping out of the patterns of the past and the reactions that became embedded in that relationship and begin anew as the person I have now become: a person of greater confidence and self-love.

One person at the party last night was my ex-husband who was rather a victim of my desperation and agonizing lack of self-worth.  I hadn’t had a real conversation with him for quite a long time and my interaction with him provided a mirror to me that showed me how much has really changed in those years (20) since we were together.

I have often thought of working on a suicide line because of my own experience that life can and really does get better if we can stay open and work to heal the challenges that we are given.  Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate a difficult chart – you can’t just ignore the problems and hope they will go away.  You have to do the hard work of healing because on a soul level that is why you came in with the chart you have.  But the benefits are so enormously gratifying.

I don’t often see how far I’ve come in my life.  People that I have only recently met think I’m just lucky to have such a nice life – they have no idea what it has taken to get here.  And no small part of this healing has come from my current husband, for whose patience in my healing process I am exceptionally grateful.  But the healing did not come easily, and much in myself had to be confronted and dealt with in order for this marriage to succeed.

We can’t help but live as though the world revolves around us, since we are “in here” and everyone else is “out there.”  The people around us are always a mirror of who we are inside, and our old friendships can be the truest mirrors for how far we’ve come in our lives.

Here’s the thing about aging: You just don’t get these experiences of growth and healing without it.  My mother always says “youth is wasted on the young” and it’s true that young people have no appreciation for their vibrant energy and the world of possibilities that await them.  Maybe it’s just that cranky old Saturn sitting right on my Sun that has taught me this, but to me the greatest gift is surviving to this age and being a witness to the transformation that has been my life.  And there’s nothing particularly special about me – anyone can do it.  All it takes is the courage to walk through the fire of your own emotions and the tragedy of your story, and allow your soul to take you down the path to that divine being that you truly are.

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By | 2011-12-11T11:18:02+00:00 December 11th, 2011|Astrology in my world, Inspiration, Saturn Return|14 Comments

14 Comments

  1. Mermaiden December 11, 2011 at 11:50 am

    Thanks for sharing that, Lynn. My daughter is struggling a lot w/an alcohol problem, and the after affects of an abusive marriage, and now, divorce……sans her children. She’s here with me in Fl., and they are with the father in a podunk town in Western NY. For years, there has been no justice in area of her life, and now, although she’s working and hanging on, something has got to give……so, this morning, my thoughts were running exactly along this fault line of life. Your words meant a lot.

  2. Michelle York December 11, 2011 at 11:53 am

    I have been following your work for quite a while now Lynn. I really enjoy your personal touch to your writings. This posting struck home. In my 70s’ now with a mind that functions like it did in the 60s’. Late in life I found out that everyone in my life functions as my mirror..had I have known that I could have saved time & pain. Reflecting my faults and my successes. Keep posting and I’ll keep reading.
    Gemini me with a love for all things mercurial.

  3. Neeti December 11, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    Thank you very much for sharing this, Lynn. It’s strong and inspiring. Sending you love.

  4. Nancy December 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    How beautiful you are in your reflections and your ability to touch that place in many of us that can hold pain from the past. Bless you for the pain and challenges that have brought you to this place where your wisdom and compassion can touch many more just like you !

  5. Gabrielle December 11, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    good one! I always say age is a high price to pay for wisdom, and some still never get it, so I am blessed at least to have worked on acquiring wisdom as I work to make myself the best person I can be. I would not go back to my youth given all that I have learned up to now.
    And to Mermaiden: check out Al Anon, for families & friends of alcoholics & where I have learned more in 3 years about how to really be an adult & have a good life no matter what.

  6. Maria December 11, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Lynn, your honesty is truly a gift to me. This year, I have found myself (without meaning to be) on an intense journey of self discovery and my life has altered beyond recognition. It has been the most painful year of my entire life, and I am not through the fire yet. There have been nights I have curled into a foetal ball because the pyschological pain has been palpable, physical, paralysing. I’m working through it, alone. Your story is an inspiration and shines a light of hope. I thank you for it from the bottom of my heart.

  7. suzanne December 11, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Beautiful post, wisdom and love. Where would we be without you.

  8. Krissy December 12, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Thank you for sharing, Lynn. It gives me perspective (I’m 38 years young) on my own life and the struggles I’ve encountered. Your words were very soothing and assuring for your readers.

  9. julie December 13, 2011 at 6:08 am

    lynn,

    many thanks for your candor, for this blogsite and for taking the time and energy these past years to share yourself with us so generously. you so make it easy to relate to your journey over and over and i keep coming back because your view is one of compassion and of gentle voice. your soul, tempered by fire, shines through in all you say here. glad you see it now too.

    • lokasiwisata.info December 14, 2011 at 9:07 am

      Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on this post. It’s not easy to bare your soul online but it’s gratifying to know when doing so is helpful to others!

  10. Greg F December 13, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    Thanks for this post, Lynn. As you may remember, we are born the same month and year, although I was spared the Moon-Pluto conjunction. Instead I was born 6 days later at new moon. Saturn and Neptune gave me musical ability, and a rather good memory. I’ve spent most of my life in the service of others, which wasn’t helpful for my self development, but I’m learning in my old age. I believe in Free Will, but also that everything happens for a reason. Thanks for sharing yourself with us in your blog, and Bless you this holiday season.

  11. Dreamdrudge December 14, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    I echo the others–this is a strong bit of writing. It elucidates well what draws me to astrology. I have sun conjunct saturn exactly (one minute apart), with mercury piling on top. Pluto squares a moon-mars conjunction in scorpio. A debilitated venus is right on the IC. Like you, I had a very difficult childhood and early adulthood; many lessons to learn. But life has gotten much better as I’ve gotten older and started learning how to handle all those strong energies!

  12. ScorpioX3 December 15, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    Powerful stuff, thoughtfully expressed. Thank you for sharing. I admire your ability to do so. Merry Christmas!

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